Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
