Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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