I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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