He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
