Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
