exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
