When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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