Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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