She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
