The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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