wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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