I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
