New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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