i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
