Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We are all done wearing pants today
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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