I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you didnt know i had herpes?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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