The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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