i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
