After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack