I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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