Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
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i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
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my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.