covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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