lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i've created a new STD.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
