u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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