Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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