You can't motorboat a personality
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
