They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
