I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
