She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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