I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
