I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
