so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
