glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
