haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
