Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
