Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
