My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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