apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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