Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
