why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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