My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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