thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
