Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
