I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
