capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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