i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
