i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
