dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
