I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
