yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
