yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
