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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I peed while puking? Even better

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval

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• (914): View more from New York

  What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors

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• (904): View more from Florida

  I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  You're a hot mess, you know that?

  (1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

  At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.

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