The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So much rum. So many feels.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
