you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
