Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
