Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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