i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
