genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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