Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
