He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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