My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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