I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Are we still banned from the library?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
