I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
