I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
