I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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