fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
