his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
