Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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