Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
