he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
