My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Terrible idea I love it
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
