my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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