I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
