If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
