Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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