Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
