She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
